Writer's block

I haven't been able to do anything new for the past couple of days. I blew the dust off of Indians Scattered on Dawn's Highway Bleeding to re-make/re-model it as an ebook, & maybe it's just that it's a bad story to begin with, but all that I was able to do was to edit it. When I went out with our Car-girl, Carmen (she wants laser-refracted eyes) she suggested just reading for a few days. Not a bad idea, actually; I'm still working my way thru LOTR, but it's also so difficult to do anything when Trish is around--though they've put her back on 3 hours a night 4 days a week, so tonight I'll have a few hours by myself.

She seems to be coming out of her depression--without Cymbalta, all it ever did was slur her speech--while I'm entering one, or it could be the cognitive deficits of schizophrenia. I just can't concentrate any more. I haven't heard from Ted lately, either, so I may call him. Our work is stalled out on just about everything now, plus I'm waiting to hear from Asimov's on "Trinities". I often wish I had a great big submarine to influence my creativity, which in NORML symbolism would really hurt the old asshole. If Asimov's does buy it, I'll probably be launched into a spiraling mania. Sometimes I wish that I could start cycling again, just so I could do something creative--but I'm sure the first low would lead to suicide.

lucky to get out of town

After marrying Karen, Biggie got all paranoid & decided that the landlord business was wrong for him. It used to be fine, until he met that woman & decompensated--symptoms have been appearing for ages in his interest in Dick, but it became really bad once the 2 of them decided the government is wiretapping their phone & opening their mail. They sold all their property, & will be pulling out of town the 31st, to move to Illinois. They have no idea what they will do when they arrive or where they'll live. I worry about them, especially with the Scoobified attitudes they have toward medications.

Also, a week ago Dr. Huffman put Trish on Cymbalta, a new SSNRI antidepressant, which wasn't really necessary--she's not depressed--& all it did was cause side effects: she slept all day & her speech was slurred. Huffman is on vacation, but another Invisible doctor told her it's OK to go off the stuff. We see Suzanne next week, & psilocybin takes you down to the living water & Jesus was on mushrooms when he was a stranger by the river.

She does have her lobbyist job back, so we'll be making buckadingdongs next week, but not this week. Blanket-man gave us all his spare food, so we won't have to raid the RCC for awhile.

McRonald's lobbyist

The weather changed; so did her job. For over a year now, Trish has worked the lobby at the local McRonald's, a mile down Dawn's Highway from the intersection of First & Fifth--the Seven is the number of the Jung Light here in Invisible City. But a week ago Friday they let her off early, then started calling to tell her she didn't need to come in. The weather has been 20 below, so no one wants to sit around & guzzle soda all day like Wako & I used to. With the drop-off in clientele, Trish's lobby jobby has been obviated, but they'll be calling her back in the spring. Yesterday they didn't call, so she changed into her uniform & called Bryan for a ride, then when she arrived they turned around & told her that she'd been temporarily laid off. We still need to see Social Security & Welfare about having our benefits & food stamps increased.

But at least we bought a new DVD when we did; DaViD arrived home in Invisible City last week several daze late from his Florida trip. They bought a used car down there & drove home. I don't Kare for Karen & DaViD's paranoia, but he's still my brother so I still care what happens to him.

There's a doctor I've found--but no atomic submarines

Yesterday was my follow-up with Dr. Boes. Seeing as how marijuana is now legal for medical purposes here, I've frequently wondered if sometime soon I can once again sail the darkened seas in a great big submarine. I did this on a daily basis shortly before the Mind-Warp Era began, & it was the best years of my life, being compared to Shakespeare & writing A+ papers for Wimsatt while smoking rasta cigars. I moved back here & it all ended; cloak of night, it's Union Maid. Unfortunately(?) my drops were working fine, so I can't smoke dem God-made herb legally, which if I did I could like screw my Noncorean friend on a nightly basis (even though I have marriage? you wanna?) as she goes wherever dope is sold.

Today we confront Cheri in Joe's office... I'll write about that once I'm back from shopping with Karen, who's taking us out to Kame-Apart & Sam Goody's after we have our meeting. All I want to do for myself is put down a down-payment on a new DVD player. Ours is not-playing some of Trish's favorite discs (Buffy), giving us parental violation warnings (which is ridiculous, we are w/o kidlets), & the remote is screwing up. Since Trish's dad gave us a gift certificate for the Komes-Apart place we'll be using the entire thing, 25 buckadingdongs, & I may contribute 10 out of my spending cash.

I'm still working on Arn, a novel that at one point was awarded my first personal slip at Analog, but I grew depressed & threw it in the garbage. What I have here is a re-make/re-model done back in the late 80s on my first computer, fragmented files in which various breasts are sucked in blue; the aliens have 4 for the women & 2 for the men, & there's this big dick seeking entry.

I've also been trying to practice the keyboards more. Since Trish'll take a nap in the afternoon, I'm playing then. She likes the Beat Monster. I like Blue Sunday & Crystal Ship; a melancholy man, that's what I B, unfil maybe something makes me hypomanic & I can wright again. Schizophrenia, be the death of me!

Cat's foot; Iron Claw House

Trish saw Dr. Huffman yesterday. When we reached his office it had been a very stressful day for both of us, & we each had to talk to Joe over the phone a couple times, in order to cope with the situation.

Cheri likes people to be there at 10:00, & people who eat there are supposed to do a chore. Sounds fair enough, but the rules aren't equitably enforced. Trish & I arrived on time, but had to go upstairs, where the therapists' offices are located, to see Joe, my therapist--while she is making the transition to her new medicine, Trish has been going in to my appointments with me, as she needs extra counseling; she's been agitated ever since they took her off Zoloft & Risperdal; the Lamictal hasn't had a complete opportunity to kick in yet.

We had a good session with Joe, then went downstairs to eat. Cheri started to tell us we couldn't eat until she'd made plates for "the people who already were here", when we'd told her we'd be back downstairs; actually, told Mary, a client who also works there, but who is supposed to be in charge of matters like that.

Trish snapped at Cheri a little & went off to complain to Karen, who'd come downstairs. Then when Cheri finally did serve us, she put too much gravy on my potatoes--I'm on a diabetic diet & she doesn't cooperate in the slightest--& complained, "I'm not scraping it off" when I said it was too much.

Next Colleen told us not to call her any more because of "the way we treat Cheri" so it really bothered me that we'd lost a friend.

By this time, I was about ready to walk off without doing anything for a chore, but Cheri threatened to kick us out for good, irregardless of the fact that there are lots of people she just lets wander off anyway. Trish & I decided for the rest of the week that we're eating in the soup kitchen, which is a lot nearer than the Center, anyway, especially when it's 20 below, like it is today.

We came home & Trish called Trish Wymore, her TA, to discuss the situation, then I had to call Carmen to give us a ride to Dr. Huffman's office for Trish's appointment. Next, Trish called Joe, who (I later learned) called "the whole thing a pissing contest between Jim & Cheri, & it's been going on for years"--which it has, she didn't even complete a 4-year nursing program at a no-name school & I feel she likes to contradict everything I say & argue just to prove to herself that she's smarter than I am. Joe promised to "take Cheri down a notch" & "end her dual relationship with Colleen" as Colleen was going over to Cheri's house & in general palling around with her in a way not befitting of a therapeutic relationship.

So Carmen & I picked up a prescription & a few food items, then went to PJ's to discuss the situation, which is everyone thinks Cheri's obnoxious except Colleen. When Carmen had calmed me down some we went up to Dr. Huffman's office. He was pretty much on-time.

I did ask him if the Lamictal could be causing Trish's agitation. The pharmacist had said that theoretically it might, but Trish went off a bunch of stuff at the same time she started it. Huffman feels the problem is that Trish is on too low a dose, though, & raised it some more. He's also taking her off of Depakote, & will eventually replace it entirely with Lamictal. In the meantime, Trish may struggle with some irritability, but I've seen her remarkably improve in the past, so I know she can do it again.